The hand-notation on the back of the above photo records that it was taken on February 13, 1984.
Only one month earlier (January 13), on my 28th Birthday, Terri had joyfully given me one of the best birthday presents that I have ever received. She announced that she was expecting a baby. WE were expecting a baby!
We had been married since 1976, and for the first few years together we knew that we needed some time to grow up and settle down before we started having children. We took measures with the help and advice of Terri's OBGYN to prevent an unplanned pregnancy. Looking back on that time I remember always being a little anxious that whatever steps of protection that we took, we still might unintentionally become parents.
But we knew also that if that happened we would still be happy and would make the changes in our life together to happily include the addition. We had always loved children, we would one day have children, and we were never afraid of children OR of God's Will for us.
We didn't consult a chapter of Planned Parenthood or read any of the organization's literature as we thought about the future of our family. We had learned very easily that Planned Parenthood had never had anything at all to do with planning, or parenthood. It was all about providing services for people who were facing consequences from bad choices for which they had not planned, and offering bad choices to help avoid the responsibilities of parenthood.
We did not know at the beginning, however, that when we felt that we were ready to initiate our careful plan -- we would face a problem for which we were not prepared.
Infertility.
We were not able to conceive.
Most human beings around the world are very fertile. Men and women couple, and nine months later a baby (or two, or three) arrives. As my Dad said to me on several occasions, "I don't know what the problem could be, Son. I never had any trouble."
In other words, it wasn't HIS fault! Ha!
But, that is what you begin to do when facing infertility. "Is it HER fault?" "Is it HIS fault?"
There is, without question, a problem. But that does not mean that someone is at fault. It does not mean that someone is to blame, or IS the PROBLEM. That kind of thinking is hard to avoid, and it is never helpful or productive.
And this is never a private problem.
Soon, all of our family members and friends knew that we were "trying to get pregnant" but were being unsuccessful.
As a matter of fact, since we are Christians, when we launched our plan to begin our family, we delicately told others that we had begun praying for a child.
When it appeared to us (and everyone else), that we were not being successful, one of my close seminary friends asked me discreetly (and seriously), "You're doing more than praying, aren't you?"
What is unsuccessful?
Six to twelve months of normal sexual activity after having abandoned any kind of birth control methods should produce a positive pregnancy result. If it has been longer than that, you might need to see a doctor. Your family doctor is a good place to begin. Your wife's Gynecologist will also be knowledgeable about your problem and how it can be addressed. If your regular physicians cannot help you they will know of specialists who can take you to another level.
In the 1970's and early 1980's nearly 10% of couples in the United States faced the inability to get pregnant.
But in recent years the Center for Disease Control has announced that the rates of infertility are declining (https://www.cbsnews.com/news/us-infertility-rates-falling-says-cdc/).
That is good news, because believe me, wanting to have children and not being able is very stressful. Some marriages suffer divorce over the issue. Many tears are shed because of the plight.
Women often carry more of the stress or blame. In the Bible, a woman who cannot bear children is described as barren. You know, like a desert or Mother Hubbard's Cupboard.
In defense of the Bible (and we found encouragement there), a number of very special women of faith in the scriptures were at first described as being barren. God blessed particular infertile women with the grace of giving birth to children who played very important roles in His plan.
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